I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
