p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
