so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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