Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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