I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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