Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
