DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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