Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
