if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
