dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
