This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And then he peed in my hair
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