Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
