I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
