fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
