dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
