You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize