This is not my ceiling
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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