I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
