Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
