So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
