All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
