well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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