I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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