Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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