We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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