this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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