Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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