So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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