Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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