I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
