I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My dick has a subreddit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
