It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
