Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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