Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
