He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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