My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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