No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
