I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
