If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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