probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
