ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry about my life...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
