woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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