I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
