Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
