You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
