For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize