is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
