Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
