man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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