Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
