you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
