I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
