His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
