they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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