They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize