Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
