we have officially lost it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
