our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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