your parents love me but you hate me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
