I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
