I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
