when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
