You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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