Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
