There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
