it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
