Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
