i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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