I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
