Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
