I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
