I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
