Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
