I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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