i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
