Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
