Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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