Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
