Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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