i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
